Have you ever been in a situation, place, and/or having an idea that is unclear or confusing? Well, I have. Actually right now, as I write this post during my singleness, I see and feel myself in a Twilight Zone: a situation or an idea that is unclear or confusing. Let me explain…
We read so many stories and articles about Christians and their singleness. We know the Wait as known as celibacy is a part of righteous singleness; we know that learning to love yourself is part of it; we even know that having a firm relationship with God is the most important part of righteous singleness. But no one explains to you about the nitty gritty, the realness of singleness. The difficult and tough times when and where you feel unsure of your situation and even unsure about your direction with God.
Lately I have been feeling a way I can’t quite explain. I sit and think about my current situation in my life, where I’m at financially, my singleness, friendships, even my relationship with God, and I can only think about how unhappy I really am in these specific situations and how much I want every part of these areas to change. Of course I think about how I can change these situations. But sometimes I don’t even feel like praying about these situations that I have prayed on so many times before (do I really have to keep repeating myself, Lord !?) or I don’t have the desire to read the Bible or my daily devotion and any other books or waking up early to study the Word….Lord where is my desire that I remember having before? What is this strange and awkward place in my life where I have little desire and I’m too lazy to actively seek You in your Word? Why am I in this Twilight Zone, this confusing situation and my thoughts are so unclear? There has to be a solution to this…and there is one.
Despite what I am going through now and this strangeness during my singleness, all what I have done before: the prayer, fasting, reading of the Bible and devotions, consistently attending church (yes I still go every Sunday!) and currently active participation in ministry, I realize that God has equipped me for this strange part of my singleness (I just realized it as I’m writing: thank Jesus for conviction!). My work nor faith is not in vein. I have sticky notes of Scripture in my bathroom that I posted almost 4 months ago (when I was being totally active in my relationship with God), and though these notes are posted for a while now I have ignored them. This morning I stopped and read one Scripture which was Hebrews 11:8: “By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going (NIV). I connected with this Scripture, though it’s posted in a place I see everyday, today for some reason, I felt a motivating connection and became inspired more than anything! I realized that I have to trust God in this process. Scripture shows and tells us about those who God calls end up in awkward phases, places in their lives where they did not have clear understanding. But (there’s that conjunction) by trusting God, folks like Abraham, Moses, Joseph, Paul, the list goes on, still went into situations and places even though they did not know where they were going or who they would encounter. We have to trust God in every moment of our singleness.
The enemy has tried to manipulate me during this strange part of my singleness, in so many ways where I should question God, become mad with God, live the way others in the world are living, and even manipulate me to feel unworthy of God. But (oh I love this conjunction–assures me greater is coming!), Scripture tells us more: “For I know the plans I have for you…(Jeremiah 29:11)”; “ Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” (Roman 12:2). These are constant reminders to not give up or give in to anything ungodly. I’m telling you, as I am writing this post, this feeling and spirit of uncertainty is lifting up off of me. I feel a shaking in my spirit!
My Dear, righteous singleness is not perfect nor easy. I have just explained this twilight zone I have been in for almost 3 months, and no relationship with God is perfect either. We get distracted sometimes with what we don’t have or what we desire to have. We get tired. Do not let the enemy make you feel guilty of where you are in your life right now. God spoke to me a few months ago and told me: “I love you just the way you are!” So what the enemy tried to destroy me.. God used it as a testimony!
The heart is a reflection of what you think. If Christ dwells in our hearts, then no person or thing should be able to influence us of unworthiness. Greater is He, our Lord Jesus Christ, that is within us, than He is who is in the world. Yours, mines, our singleness and situations are for a greater cause, for someone else’s testimony. We are reflections of God as He created us to glorify Him and serve His people. The Holy Spirit should be manifested inside of us so much that when we go through tough and uncertain times, we can have an attitude of joy, still happy and grateful that God has given us so much more in other parts of our lives. Also, we should cut out distractions like television, social media, and secular music. You know yourself and the things that distract you from moving forward, take a break from what ever that may be.
Understand that where we are in our singleness is exactly where God wants us to be. I spoke in my previous blog, Stuck in the Middle, being stuck in God’s Will for your life. Do not let situations that are unclear dictate your next move or even your relationship with God. For a moment I did, and writing this blog gave me perspective and expression to get up and change my ways. I miss that active fellowship I have with God when I read the Bible. One of God’s most wonderful attributes is that He never leaves us; He’s been with me the entire time in this twilight zone and we pick up where we left off, like I never left.
Scripture activates that faith that assures me God is in control. I realized that I can pray as much as do, but Scripture reminds us and inspires us in a whole other way than prayer and talking to people does. Scripture gives us the words to think and say, reminding us that God is in control. Wow, I thank God for Single By Grace because writing this blog allowed me to think out loud and reevaluate myself. Sometimes we get so caught up in our thoughts but writing your thoughts down helps you understand your irrationalness in wanting God to change a situation at a time God is not ready to change. He has his hand on you and He will see you through into your next phase and every phase after that.
So I will be reading and studying Hebrews Chapter 11 as the Spirit has led me…
I love you with the Love of the Lord. Trust the process: Trust God!
Come out of your Twilight Zone.